Imagine if I Swallowed A Nail

 

Imagine if I swallowed a nail. I think that would be funny.

I saw an article that said doctors had to extract 600 nails from a man’s stomach. 

The man was probably mentally ill or something.

But what if I swallowed a nail? 

I don’t think it would be that difficult, as long as it’s a small nail. A lot of nails are no bigger than large pills. I might need a few tries, and I would drink a lot of water to help it go down easier. 

Next, I would feel it scrape down my throat. It would probably feel strange, but then when it got to the bottom I probably wouldn’t even feel it anymore. 

The next thing that I would do is I guess I would text my mom and tell her that I unfortunately swallowed a nail.

The first thing she would ask me is “Why did you swallow a nail?” But, because this is a hypothetical scenario, I don’t really know what I would say, because in real life, I would never swallow a nail. 

So I guess in this dream scenario I’ll answer, “I don’t know.” 

The answer “I don’t know” is one of my favorite answers. It leaves the recipient off-put and the deliverer gets to stay mysterious.

The next thing that would happen is conversations would take place about what to do about the nail, which at this point is in my stomach.

Of course, no one in this scenario except for me has ever experienced swallowing a nail or been in contact with someone who has, so it takes some time to explain to everyone what happened.

The next thing I would do is go to the doctor. The doctor might say, “It can be digested,” Or he might say, “Lets extract it from your stomach.” Now, I don’t think I would be too upset about this, because it would be unfair to be upset considering I was the one who caused all of this to happen. The doctor will ask, “Why did you swallow a nail,” of course. I guess I just respond again with “I don’t know.”

I’ve decided that my mom is going to be looking at me funny throughout this whole process. 

At first she thinks I'm in a depressive episode. Then she decides I did it by total accident. Then she wonders if I’m completely crazy. Then she thinks I’m looking for attention. 

The extraction will either go smoothly or something terribly awful will happen during it and I die. 

Let’s just say it went smoothly. Then, I’m sent home with a list of instructions and a small plastic bag. Inside the plastic bag, obviously, is the nail.

I keep the nail in the plastic bag by my bed. I’ll probably ponder its purpose on Earth. Before, it was just a nail. Now, it’s a useless thing in a plastic bag by my bed to be ogled at. If I took it out of the bag and threw it into a bucket of nails which look exactly like it, it’s back to being useful. It wasn’t ever really that useful to begin with. 

I will go down in infamy as the girl who swallowed a nail. My X Rays that show the nail will be brought out by my parents to show to people. I’m asked “Why did you swallow a nail?” for the rest of my life.

But I guess none of that will happen because I’m not going to swallow a nail.